AI Storytime 1 - The Killer Sandwich

AI Storytime 1 - The Killer Sandwich

Before we get started, this story has indeed been written by an artificial intelligence that I have given some model training to. It's really nifty and you can give it commands like 'How do I tie my shoe lace?' and it will write the answer. 

So as I am messing around with this, I think to myself 'Maybe it could write a story?', so I asked. Below is the very strange and also fascinating result that should assure anyone on the fence, that our robot rulers will be brutal nihilists!

I introduce, Hal.

>Me: Hal, write a story about a killer sandwich


Title: The Lunch Bite

I was on my way home from work, and I needed a snack before going to bed. I felt like pizza or Chinese food but that would require me to drive all the way back into town; it's not worth the time and gas money. So instead, I went for a sandwich at the local grocery store.

It wasn't one of those crazy sandwiches where you order everything off of an iPad or anything - just your typical deli sandwich with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato. As soon as I took my first bite though...something was wrong. Not only did it taste terrible (like old lunchmeat), but halfway through eating this "sandwich" there were noises coming out of it too! Like screams? Human screams? They were pained and terrified - whoever was in this sandwich must have really hated it. I didn't even finish eating the rest of it.

I googled "human screams coming out of deli sandwiches" but nothing seemed to fit my exact situation, so I'm still not sure what happened or if it's safe for me to eat any more sandwiches. The thing is that I really wanted to eat a sandwich, but the screams coming out of mine were just too distracting.

I was wondering if I could get a refund or have them make me a new one, but they wouldn't do anything for me after the sandwich had been opened. In fact, there were no other sandwiches left either - so I guess everyone else heard those screams too?

>Me: I like it, redo it and make it longer and add more details.


Title: The Lunch Bite

Sam sipped on the straw of his grape juice, wiggling it around until all of the purple liquid was in his mouth. He swallowed and wiped away a few drops from the corner of his lips. With one hand he held a ham sandwich to his mouth while with the other he held the juice up to drink from it again.

Sam took a bite of the sandwich and chomped down, his teeth crushing the soft bread and meaty ham.

Sam's head jolted back with a scream, he dropped the juice onto the table in a loud sloshy noise, spilling purple all over his lunchbox - which was made to look like a pirate ship.

Sam's scream was loud enough to catch everyone's attention, and all around him his classmates stopped what they were doing to look at Sam. Some of the girls let out a shriek loud enough to match Sam's.

"What's wrong?" Mr. Smith asked as he stood up from his desk at the front of the classroom where the children sat.

"Weeelll, I was just eating my sandwich," Sam started. "And then all of a sudden it bit me!" He glared at the brown bread and meat, covered in a smudge of orange cheese.

Sam pointed an accusatory finger at his sandwich as if to say 'look what you've done.' Sam's classmates all leaned in closer to get a better look at the sandwich.

"It did?" Mary asked from behind her hands, hiding her wide eyes. She was Sam's best friend and always stuck by his side through everything - even if she didn't quite believe what he said.

"Yes," Sam said with a nod, his face looking a bit pink from all of the attention. "It bit me, right here," Sam said as he pointed to his shoulder.

"Here, have a look," Mr. Smith offered and bent down so that his head was next to Sam's shoulder where it had been bitten by the sandwich.

Mr. Smith looked at Sam's shoulder, where he could see a tiny red mark. "I don't think it's anything to worry about," Mr. Smith said as he stood up tall again behind his desk.

"But but-" Sam protested, trying to convince them that the sandwich had done real damage. Other children looked at him like he was crazy and whispered between themselves.

Mr. Smith sat back down at his desk and continued to take notes on the board as if nothing had just happened. Sam glared at his shoulder, then down into his juice where he could see a reflection of himself. Mr. Smith was right, it didn't look like anything to worry about - but why wouldn't they believe him?

The sandwich sat on Sam's plate, as if mocking him. It had done some damage and the more Sam stared at it, the more he could feel his teeth start to ache along with that tiny mark on his shoulder.

Sam glared harder at the sandwich then stood up from his desk and dropped down onto one knee in front of the student desk behind him. He grabbed the ham and cheese sandwich and slammed it onto his backpack.

Mary's face grew redder than a tomato, "Sam! What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm taking this to the lunchroom," Sam said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mary shook her head like Sam was crazy.

"Why?" Mary asked with a raised eyebrow, turning her head to the side. "What is wrong with you? You look like Cousin It!" she laughed at her own joke. "Sam, I'm pretty sure Mr. Smith doesn't want you taking your sandwich out of this classroom."

Sam shot her a look that reminded her that he knew more than the average first grader. "Mary, you're not as smart as I am. It bit me and now it needs to pay." Sam was quiet for a moment before adding, "with its life."

"But-" Mary started again but Sam cut her off with a shake of his head.

"Sam, you can't just go around killing sandwiches-" Mr. Smith said as he stood up from his desk again and began to walk over towards Sam.

"I'm not going to kill it," Sam explained with a roll of his eyes, "I'm going to put it in my lunchbox so that it is safe".

>Me: ...


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